It has been six months today since my Mom died. Funny (or not so funny) thing though, it feels like an eternity. It feels like a lifetime ago. It feels so long ago that I had my Mom around to visit and talk with. It's almost like she was just a most wonderful dream and I never really had her at all. It is a terrible feeling to think this way but sometimes I wonder if my brain is doing this to just make things easier. I hope to fast forward to a time when I can think of my Mom and smile at the memories that seemed just like yesterday. I hope I can get to a place where I can close my eyes and and see her or talk to her without it seeming like a forced one way connection. I do hope that I can close my eyes and feel her cheek when she would kiss me goodbye and I could smile instead of cry.
Anyway, I never thought I would still be writing on this blog. I would never want it to turn into one long lament for my Mom or my families loss. I had planned to say a few last words and I guess I had more to say than I thought. But I really think I have stuck around because of all of you who have shared your stories and your blessings. Truthfully (and I never thought that I might feel this way), I have been the most comforted by all of your comments. I have still not had a chance to re-read them as I had hoped to do but I could never thank you all enough for taking the time to share a bit of yourself and your story and help me in such innumerable ways. I don't know if it's because those around me have also lossed my Mom in their life or if others don't know what to say, but I will always look back at this blog for your words of wisdom, strength and comfort.
Anyway, I am not quite finished with this blog yet but I did want to post 'Desiderata' in memory of Mom. She often read it to us, she had a poster of it in the basement and it was the only reading she requested as a must at her funeral. I remember her telling me that she came across it when she was about 15 or 16 years old in a record shop and it struck her so deeply and evidently, it was important to her her whole life.
Desiderata (by Max Ehrmann)
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Strive to be happy.